yes, the blame is on me
by The Crownless Queen
Summary: "Rumplestiltskin doesn't notice the words looped around his arm until Belle is long gone." Soulmate!au, for lizzie.


_Word count:_ 1150

 **yes, the blame is on me**

Rumplestiltskin doesn't notice the words looped around his arm until Belle is long gone.

He almost doesn't notice them. These days his skin is so dark so black ink hardly stands out – he knows it's not as much the color of his skin that masks it as it is the shade of his magic that blurs the mark – and at first he mistakes it for an ink stain.

 _(it's not)_

He'd recognize the script anywhere. Belle hadn't written much around him – he had forbidden her to make any note on anything concerning him directly, which encompassed a large part of her duties, but he had often found lists of the chores he assigned to her cluttering his castle.

The 'o's had always been slightly curved but her writing was surprisingly neat considering about bad the woman was at cleaning anything.

The seven words on his arm share those characteristics, but more than that they explain the aching feeling in his chest, not entirely unlike what he had felt after losing Bae.

He hadn't known that someone other than his son's absence would make him feel this way.

Back before he became the Dark One, he hadn't had any words. It hadn't been unusual – they only appeared once your soulmate was over eighteen, and then only if you were eighteen yourself – but Milah, who had had the faded grey words of a man she had never met scribbled on the back of her neck couldn't seem to forgive him for that, even after she gave birth to their son.

He had gotten so used to not having words that he doesn't know what to do with them. He can't exactly put his plans on hold, not when it has taken him so many years to get this far in the first place, but he also can't simply let it go – let Belle go.

 _(besides, 'no wait! I will go with him', don't exactly bear the signs of a great story)_

 _(and then Regina tells him that Belle's dead and it feels like his world's crumbling beneath his feet once again, and he hates himself, the world (not Belle, never her), fate, for taking something else away from him before he could do anything about it)_

 _(only Regina lied, because the words on his skin are still as black as the day he discovered them, and while it could be that his magic interferes with the marks' inherent magic, he learned a long time ago to never believe in coincidences, and the disappearance of the only person he would consider going back on his word for in this realm rings too much like one for his liking)_

 _(but his plans are already in motion, and even he can't stop them now)_

 _(that's a lie too – of course he could (he just doesn't want to))_

 **.x.**

He wakes up in Storybrooke after twenty-eight years of slumber, and the first thing he does is check that Belle's words are still on his arm.

They hadn't been when he had been cursed. Mr. Gold had been notorious for disliking everyone, and anyway, depriving someone of their happy endings meant that their marks had been cloaked and would stay that way (unless, like himself, they had taken some precautions before the Curse had been cast) until the Savior broke the Curse.

It's there now though, the ink the same glossy black as in his memories. He touches it once, and breathes in deeply through the surge of relief when the words don't budge.

It would have been a cruel joke, but certainly not one above Regina.

 **.x.**

Somewhere else in the town, the Savior is unknowingly waging war with the Evil Queen. It would be easy to let things happen on their own, but every time he closes his eyes Belle terrified face stares back at him – he still hasn't found her yet, and he doesn't know what Regina could have done with her nor how to make her tell him.

 _(he doesn't remember the last time he had something this close to a conscience, and he's not sure he likes it – but it's for Belle, and she certainly deserves at least this of him)_

He tells himself that Emma Swan doesn't have to accept his help – especially not when his help comes in his own terms – but he can't help but feel a tinge of pleasure when she does.

He still makes sure to cover all his bases – the Savior has to win for the Curse to be broken, and Regina already possesses enough power in this place she's created, but he knows enough about heroes types from the years he spent manipulating them to realize that Swan might not agree with his methods.

 _(it's a shame though – he would have loved to see Regina burn, trapped and without her magic. It would have been a just revenge for trying to go against him, as well as an easier way to break the Curse)_

He considers telling the new Sheriff about Belle – considering the woman's doubts against Regina, surely she would believe him when he says he's only trying to get back the woman he… what, loves?

He's not even sure he could describe Belle to anyone. Any character trait he knows would have been altered by the Curse, and from the physical changes in some of the people in town, her appearance might be different from the way she looked in the Enchanted Forest as well.

Chances are Belle wouldn't even know him if she saw him, and he doesn't think he could take that from her.

So no, he doesn't say anything about Belle to the Savior until he has to – and sees a flash of understanding cross her eyes (what does she understand when Rumplestiltskin himself is still so confused about all this?) as she tracks his hand to his arm, to the exact spot where Belle's words lay.

 _(he wonders if it would have changed anything had he chosen differently)_

 _(probably)_

 **.x.**

He and Belle still get married, and his son still dies.

Belle shows him the words emblazoned on his right shoulder. 'My price is her', it says, and she tells him that the words used to terrify her mother, who had gotten a glimpse of it not long after it appeared.

 _(she had almost forbidden Belle to leave her rooms for the rest of her life because she had known what those words meant)_

"Not you?" He asks almost incredulously.

"Never," she answers with a smile, and kisses him.

Belle's kisses taste like heaven and redemption, like the happy ending he didn't know he could hope for.

 _(and then he ruins even that, because he couldn't remember the first lessons he had been taught about the marks)_

 _(they don't guarantee anything, less of all a happy ending, if you don't work for it)_


End file.
